Let Me Out!

Today I’m having a day where I’m not really sure what I want to do with myself but mope around the house and feel sorry for myself. It just seems to be one thing after another, and I’m at my wits end because I’m starting to think that it’s all my fault.

Abby’s been really bratty recently, and it really makes me feel like a bad parent because I’m convinced that it has to be something that I’m doing wrong- since I’m the one parent who spends the most time with her. Nick got really annoyed by this attitude of mine, so he stormed off to the bar where I imagine he is drinking bottle after bottle of beer. As he said, “you don’t drive me to drink, but you sure make it easier.” How on earth do you think that makes me feel as a person, a wife and a mother? It makes me feel even worse, that’s what.

I skipped out on teaching Sunday School this morning (I’ve started teaching Abby’s class with another woman.) Because the other teacher was there, I knew I’d be able to stay in bed and sleep more…which I knew last night would be what I wanted to do in the morning. It also gave me a chance to take a shower and get dressed at a reasonable pace, instead of speeding through the house like the Tasmanian Devil at 100mph and tossing everything aside in my path. We were still later than I would have liked, but I was there. We were clean and presentable, and isn’t that all that matters? Sure I was there dressed down (not the hoodie and sneakers like I said I might) but there’s people there who were more dressed down than me. Heck, I looked like I was going for a night at the Ritz compared to some of the congregation. My hair was damp and pulled back, so I looked a little different but I honestly have given up caring what people think of me a long time ago.

I honestly just wish there was a way out of my mood that I seem to be currently trapped in. I know that I could take meds, but I’ve been down that roas before and they turn me into a faceless member of society…what the rest of the world would consider to be ‘normal’. Screw being normal, I find normal boring and dull. If I wanted to be boring and dull, I would be the atypical 1950’s housewife that bakes pies, makes cocktails and entertains the bridge meeting over at her charming family house.

I am not that person.

Feeling Sick

So as you know, I went out on the boat this afternoon again. Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t the most fun time as it was pretty choppy out on the lake. And it was like riding a rollercoaster for part of it…until I threw up overboard. It was not fun at all, because I pretty much splattered the back of the boat. 

That was a few hours ago now, and I don’t feel queasy anymore…just not hungry. I ate a small amount of mac n cheese for dinner and I’ll probably eat something else later if I feel like it. I really want to just go to bed and sleep it all off, but I currently have the neighbour’s kid here playing with Abby while my neighbours have gone to the movies. They’d do the same for me, so it’s only fair I do the same for them. She’s been pretty good so far and that’s a huge contrast because Abby is behaving like a spoiled brat because she won’t share. Cannot wait until bedtime.

Sick As A Dog

So after writing last night’s post, I went out for a drink with some friends. My next door neighbour looked after Abby for me and we all went to La Cage in Walker’s Point. I’d never been to La Cage before, and the next time I go I will not be mixing my alcohol again. My booze of choice at the moment in a margarita on the rocks, so I had about three of those and my friend kept on buying these layered shots. Which was a bad, bad move and threw up twice just before we headed home around 1.30am. I somehow managed to get in the house and then proceeded to kick off my shoes, peel off my clothes and get into bed. I couldn’t be bothered with trying to put on my pyjamas and I didn’t have the coordination to take off my make up…so I literally just fell into bed, and that was around 2am. I woke up this morning around 9am and rolled out of bed. Changed my underwear and threw on some clothes, then went to the bathroom and went to take off my make up- finally. 

I was lying around on the couch for most of the day, but at around 11am I just felt so ill and tired that I went back to bed for a couple of hours and put Abby down for a nap. Woke up around 2pm, felt a little better but my head was still swimming and my stomach was still churning. Around 5pm, I went to lie down again on the bed….but not even ten seconds later I felt the need to up-chuck again. Ran to the bathroom and proceeded to empty my stomach of it’s contents. I don’t know whether that was the after-effects of the alcohol or whether I’m just sick with some 24-hr bug. I felt a whole lot better after that, and cleaned the kitchen and made Abby her dinner. 

Nick got me some Rolaids and some Alka-Seltzer from the store and I feel a little more human after taking both of those. I was getting a little hungry at that point, but I didn’t want to eat a whole meal or anything. So Nick made me some chicken broth and I’ve been drinking that for the majority of the evening. It’s giving me a little more energy so hopefully tomorrow morning I’ll be feeling good, as I have church and choir and so much other stuff like the social choir brunch and going out for dinner with Nick. My stomach had better be ready, I don’t like being out in public if I’m ill. I just want to stay at home all day, watching crap on MTV and curled up with my cats. 

Sickness

Abby is sick :( She has a cold and a bad cough. I went to the store this morning to buy her a bottle of Tylenol Children’s Cold and Cough and a tub of Vaporub. All I can do is let her fight it the best she can, and I’ll just have to make her comfortable in the process. 

I wish I could just take it all away for her