Life Is Fragile

As much as I feel like my own life is hanging by a thread somedays, today is not the chance to talk about myself. Today is my chance to put my narcissistic, self-centered behaviour behind me and the chance to talk about others that are older than myself.

A really good, very close friend of mine who is a very special person to me is having problems today- one of his family members is passing away sometime today. I have no clue if it has already happened or not, but I’m hoping and praying that he will keep in touch with me because I have made myself available for his every beck and call. I am a friend, and friends help friends out when they’re low and having problems- it’s what causes you to become better friends.  So please if you’re reading this, keep my friend and his family in your prayers because they all need it- especially him.

In The Wrong Decade

Either I have feelings and issues related to a past life OR I really am that old fashioned. My friends don’t understand why I stay at home with Abby while Nick earns all the money. I was bought up in the 1980’s where there was a huge push to send mothers back to work after having a baby- not the old-fashioned ways of staying at home and raising the kids yourself. I on the other hand, LOVE LOVE LOVE being a stay-at-home Mom and I get to do lots of cool stuff with Abby while interacting with her and teaching her stuff. It feels a little weird when she goes to preschool because I’m so used to having her around the house with me, helping me with stuff. I’ll even go as far as saying I would love to home school Abby, BUT I am not a teacher and I really don’t have that much patience half the time. Teaching Sunday School this fall will be a huge test for me, I hope I can do it. 

But it’s not just being a stay at home Mom that makes me think I’m in the wrong decade. I love to cook, I love to clean and keep house (even if I don’t do a very good job of it half the time!). I love all the stuff that’s been outlawed over the years (like playground games and equipment) and I love spending time with my family-especially my husband. Sure, we fight a lot and we make each other see red- but I wouldn’t be myself if I wasn’t with him. We complete each other, and I know that sounds cheesy but it’s true. If we didn’t fight it wouldn’t be normal, and sometimes it’s good to fight because then it helps you to learn from your mistakes. 

These days, people don’t think anything wrong of divorce or not spending much time with your kids- but our family isn’t like that. We love each other and we drive each other crazy sometimes, but that’s what families are supposed to do

Random Update

• I’m still feeling really broody. I understand what women are going through now that don’t even have one child. I don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful, but I really want another baby and I just can’t stop thinking about it. 
• We had a family get-together this afternoon at a family house. Yes, another one- I’m absolutely exhausted after this weekend. Nick’s Dad came over and showered Abby with gifts that he hadn’t had the chance to give her from Easter and her 3rd birthday. It’s not that we stop him seeing Abby, it’s just that he has a bitch for a wife and she’s made it quite obvious that she doesn’t like us either. So now he is only allowed to see Abby if she isn’t with him. We will quite seriously take a restraining order out on the woman if she keeps up her stupid games that fuck with everyone in the family. My parents don’t like her either. 
• My house is a mess and I have four baskets of laundry to fold but I just don’t have the will nor the energy to do it. I’m such a lazy butt :p
• I’ve been feeling so tired recently. I set my alarm for a certain time of the morning, but I always reach over to turn it off when it rings. Then I always sleep another hour and get up. I have been late for church for the last three weeks and it’s really starting to bug me now. I’m even going to bed early and I still sleep too long. Something has got to change because I am sleeping half of the morning away  
• My parents have offered to buy me a new camera for my birthday. It’s not until October but I can wait. DSLR, here I come!! Woooo!

Graduations

We all had a graduation party to attend this afternoon. It was Nick’s cousin and he’s also the last to graduate from high school until one of the little guys gets there (Colton, Abby and any one else who comes along in the future). He’s the youngest of the cousins, and Nick is the oldest- an age gap of 14 years. There was the giant spread of photos of the graduate through the years and Nick was also on there holding him when he was a baby. I have not seen one bad photo of my hubby, well there’s a few of him when he was a kid…but as a teenager- COME TO MAMA! I married such a hot man, he doesn’t look any different now than he did 14 years ago. A little bit more facial hair and obviously a little taller, but looks wise he was hot then and he’s hot now- I’m a lucky woman  

Nightmare On Kid Street

I have been having reoccurring dreams recently. Mainly about kids, not Abby but future children. I keep having this one dream where I find out that I’m pregnant again…but instead of having one baby, I’m having triplets. Now don’t get me wrong, if this WAS to happen tomorrow…I would be scared out of my mind but I’d also be pretty excited. Having multiples is my idea of getting pregnancy over with once and for all. Three might be a little too much, and I know that me and Nick would be pulling out hair out having three at the same time but you know, once it’s happened there’s not really a lot you can do about it.

We’ve talked about having more kids recently, and I think we’re gonna start trying again soon. Nick says that he wants to have more before Abby’s 5th birthday, which is two years away. And we’ve both decided that three would be the magic number. But if two were to come along at the same time, sure we’d be shitting bricks but at least I wouldn’t have to be pregnant again after having them. Any more than four kids though would be pushing it. Heck, three is pushing it in my family as most of my cousins are one of two. I only have two sets of threes in my cousins. And most of them only have two kids each, so two seems to be the ideal number I guess. I love Abby with all my heart and she socialises so well with other kids so we really want to have a sibling or two for her to play with. We don’t want her to grow up an only child  

But as I said to Nick yesterday, you can’t put a time line on having kids. Heck, we never wanted to have kids as soon as we did…but it happened. Who’s to say that it can’t happen all over again? 

Meddling Family

Okay, so I know I’m supposed to want to have my family know every thing about my life…but there’s a reason I moved 3000 miles away. They’re so nosy! My brother called me a couple of days ago to let me know that my two of our aunts were now on Facebook and they wanted to friend me. I was alright with it until I found out who my aunts were. One of them wants to know EVERYTHING about me and I’ve never really liked her. She’s only a few years older than I am (I’m 26 and she’s about 42…I think) and she always tried far to hard to be cool and hip. It just really irks me, she doesn’t try to be my aunt…she tries to be my friend and I don’t need that. Now she’s all sending me messages on Facebook about wanting to be my ‘friend’ and wanting to see the photos. Er no, I think I’ll pass. She also wants my phone number so she can call me, again no I think I’ll pass. She’s just call me everyday and drive me crazy. 

I just don’t need it. I have my own life to lead and I do not need to be checked up on every five minutes. Keep your nose out of my life and I’ll do the same for you. I do not care if you’re my family. Gah. 

The Things I Say

I’ve come to a realisation that I tend to say the same things over and over again in the space of a day. In my head, I’m starting to sound like a broken record :p Usually, I will say them to Abby and sometimes Nick- and they’re always in my head. I’m almost certain that I sound like my mother at times, which I don’t think is the best thing. I always said as a teenager that I would never become my mother and I would never treat my own children the way that we were treated…yet, here I am. I suppose you want some examples? Okay then…

“Sit there and don’t you dare touch anything.”
“I thought I told you to sit at the table?!”
“Get in bed! And stay there!”
“Abby! What are you doing?”
“Honey, are you going to go to the store?”
“So I assume you’re going to the store after work then?”
“You two! Cut it out!”
“This is mine. Go get your own.”

Etcetera, etcetera. I say other ones, but I won’t bore you with a post made up entirely of quotes. There’s other things that float around in my head that I would LOVE to say, but you know I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to post them here. Usually I accompany these quotes by one or a few of the following:

1. Raised voice
2. Screaming
3. Pointing
4. Jumping up and down
5. Pulling my hair out

So yeah, I will be the first to admit that being married with children makes you bald, hoarse and an insomniac. I’m just warning all you newlyweds and engaged couples out there. Being married might be fine in itself, but having kids is a completely different ballgame. It’s like the difference between baseball and cricket. 

What a Joke

Sometimes I think that my relationships are all such jokes over the years. I’m quite surprised sometimes why i’m still in this one. It truly boggles my mind. Last night, Nick was such a crab ass and I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Today he’s been all sweet and lovely dovey. He’s so frickin bipolar that it’s starting to really piss me off. Even Becky agreed me- we were talking about him when we took the girls out to Betty Brinn’s. 

I can be so needy at times, and then other times I don’t want you anywhere near me. I’m a typical bipolar mental case. It really annoys Nick because he never quite knows what kind of mood I’m gonna be in when I get out of bed in the morning. I wish I could help him out a little more, but you know…it’s not like I have my moods set to a schedule. Yeah, I can see it now. 

“Yes, honey…tomorrow is Tuesday and according to my schedule, I’ll be a crabby bitch. So try to stay away from me tomorrow, k?”

Riiiiiiiiiight. I wish it was all that simple. 

Dammmnn.

It’s been a REALLY long time since I last posted, but you know I’m putting all the stuff that’s happened this year behind me and I’m moving on. It’s taken me a long while to get over everything, but it’s made me a much stronger person and I’ve learned a lot of important life lessons. I’m living quite happily in my new apartment with Nick, Abby and the kitties and I have some new friends and fallen back on the support of some faithful, old friends. It doesn’t matter how tough life gets, some people will always be there for you and some just can’t wait to watch you fall flat on your face. It’s a bitch, but you learn and move on. 

I’ve been pretty much absorbing everything that I’m good at recently. I’m getting pretty good at playing my guitar, I’ve read a ton this summer, my family were here so I got lots of love from them and I’m going to the UK next August with Abby to see everyone there. I miss my family so much. I’m also on a diet and getting lots of exercise- I work out six days a week and lift weights also. I’m not noticing much difference yet but it’s only been three weeks so I guess I can’t expect miracles :p

Been A Long Time

So much has happened since I last typed anything here. There’s also been some stuff that I’d rather not mention, as I don’t want a flood of comments clogging up my journal. If you’re on FD, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If not, then tough. I’m not telling you. 

So we had finally moved and our new place had started feeling a little bit more homely, and then the shit hits the fan (again, not telling you what went on). I have so much crap in my head that it’s not even funny. I know I’m being really vague about it all, but this entry is public and I’d rather not air my dirty laundry on the Internet where anyone can read it. It’s better for everyone in the end. 

The new place is very nice, we did end up moving into the apartment that I had my eye on and it’s very nice living in this neighbourhood. The park is only down the street for Abby, so we tend to just walk up there together. The neighbours are very nice too, including the one who lives next door to me and has a little girl around the same age as Abby. My mum, dad and brother are going to be here at the end of the month, so i have to get this place in order before then